In my opinion, two recent developments have driven this particular vocalization:
1. He broke his ankle. He is a 6'2" 220lb. baby. Surgery was yesterday. He's staying at his mom's who is taking care of him. He wants me to take care of him. Not gonna happen, bud.
2. I told him about Jimmy and the
So, with these two factors coming into play The Ex is coming at me full force. It started Monday, but last night for once in his adult life he actually put into words, in clear sentences without any, "ya knows" how he feels. He came out and asked if we could give it another try.
I finally took the time and effort to explain to him that each time I contemplate letting him back in slightly, he reminds me of how he used to be. I let him know how the
I haven't given him an inch. I told him how I'm not sure I could ever trust him again nor do I know if I even have the desire to try. I told him how when we broke up, I dealt with the hurt and the pain by myself and got over it by myself. No closure supplied by him. I haven't forgiven him and as long as we are friendly on the surface, I do not hold it against him. I can deal. Taking down the wall and letting him in again though? Not sure that's possible without drudging up the unfinished business. Not sure I even want to try.
Of course he still sees me as the person he wants to marry and have children with, I didn't hurt him. I didn't betray him and let him down. I just left. I decided I wanted and deserved more and I was never going to get it from him. So I let go. I moved on. Right?
However, despite knowing all of this, hearing him say the things he says does send my mind reeling, (obviously or I wouldn't be writing about it today). I can't say his words do not affect me. There is definitely still a part of me that wants to believe in him. I do believe he wants the things he says he does, what I don't believe is he will put the effort it requires into getting any of it.
The bottom line is I have no desire to give him/us another shot right now. I have feelings for Jimmy and I'm exploring that first. I need to. I want to. Sorry bud, but you've put yourself on the back burner and you're not getting bumped up simply because you've successfully expressed emotion. He asked if after Jimmy, could we give it another shot. I still feel like I don't know, which is what I told him. Time and time again I put a glimmer of faith into him. Time and time again he proves he did not deserve it. It's going to stop. He'd have to seriously prove himself. So to sum it up, I'm not thinking about giving him another chance right now, at all.
"When it comes to men that are romantically interested in you, it's really simple. Just ignore everything they say and only pay attention to what they do."