August 16, 2008


January 26, 2008

He brings me to attention. He takes my flaws and he puts them in my face. It isn't easy. It is far from pleasant, but at the same time I think it's what I need. It causes me dissonance; but it might just force me to change. If there's one thing I've realized in life it's that I am a coaster. Unless pushed, I will coast. I need someone, something to push me. A swift kick in the ass. This is prevalent in my career as it is in relationships and all other aspects of life. I need to be challenged in order to make a move. Is it possible that he is what I need? Or possibly he has just come into my life to serve this exact purpose and then move on. John has always allowed me to coast because he doesn't see my real flaws, what I'm terrified of, and what I'm avoiding, which is why he is refreshingly easy and comfortable for me. The Ex, same thing. Alan sees right through my charade and is sure to call me out on it. I think I do the same for him though because despite what he may believe he is NOT always right. Is it possible we could grow together? Is it time for me to move away from what is easy
and comfortable. Do I need to do away with my safety net? Stupid question. Of course I do. And I need to do that whether it’s for Alan or not. It needs to be for myself. But could he be right for me?

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