April 29, 2009

Free time = trouble

Fortunately for me there was an unfortunate water main break yesterday right by my building in the city in which I work. I got the call to turn around and go home when I was just halfway there. Our building was shutting down. It was a glorious day so needless to say I was pretty pumped for an unexpected day off. This white girl could use some sun and by a stroke of luck I scored a pretty sweet patch of afternoon sunlight right on my very own balcony. Visions of my beach chair, a glass of iced tea, a book and the pooch immediately flooded my mind. Ah.

How sweet it would be if these things could be planned though. I had gone to a baseball game after work the night before and stayed out pretty late. Sure would've been nice to sleep in. The game in itself was fabulous. I'm not a big baseball fan per say. Never do I catch a game on TV. But being there, the environment and all things-baseball related, I adore. Monday's game was picture perfect. Glorious weather, a hot dog and a beer, some peanuts, and front row seats at the third base line. No better way to watch a game...even if our team did lose.

In a perfect world the universe would have alerted me to my day off just prior to the moment I set my alarm to wake up the next morning. Oh well, we may not be able to have it all but I did have the day off and there are certain perks to having my butt up early and out the door before 9am. This girl can't nap so I was up. Period. Plenty of time to get things done.

Or plenty of free time to get myself into trouble?

First things first, I went home and changed then high-tailed it to the gym. During the day is my favorite time to hit up the gym...there's hardly anyone there. I had a great workout then went next door to Trader Joe's for some groceries including sushi for lunch. Love TJ's. Love.

So I went home and did a bunch of stuff around the apartment before making my fantasy into a reality by putting on my bathing suit and laying out in the afternoon sun with my book. Then, my phone rings. Adult crush.

Adult crush who I've talked to here and there since the ESP visit. Adult crush who had his first day at the police academy that day, also in the city, also let out early. What to do with our newly found free time? Well, it.

Yes, it. He came over and we stopped being friends who hung out and chatted. It had been 7 months since that had gone down between us. Yes, we've kissed since then but that's it. I'm not sure why it happened but I know that the second I told him he could come over, I knew it was going to.

I have no feelings of regret (yet). And maybe it's because the worst is over and I'm not looking for anything more from him. I have a very "whatever" attitude about it all. I'm single! Maybe it was the warm summer-like air. Or maybe, just maybe, this girl can't afford to have any unexpected day offs that equal free time to misbehave. Sure was fun though....

April 21, 2009

Everyone has ESP but me

I hadn't thought of you since you moved. Well, barely. OK, I've thought of you, but I definitely hadn't thought of calling you or talking to you. I simply thought of you fondly as being a part of my past. Finally.

So why do you bring yourself to my present JUST as I've finally accomplished this? You sense this little fact don't you?! You sense and must destroy.

I can't say no so I agree to get together to catch up. I let you come over after you get off work. You still work down the street even though you live much further away. I'm on your way home. All we do is talk and catch up. I thought for sure you'd mention how I hadn't attempted to keep in touch since you moved. I thought for sure you'd ask me about other guys like you always do. But you didn't. You just wanted to talk about what's been going on in each of our lives since you left. You were genuine. You've missed doing this with me, I can tell. We had one of those talks where it felt like so much time had gone by and so much had happened.

Then you stretch it into the next day...always trying to linger. You ask if you can stop by to take a shower after work before heading to the gym...it's on the way. Is that necessary? A shower before the gym? Probably not.


And I always allow you to.

April 15, 2009


Maybe I’m the last one on God's green Earth to figure this out, but I don’t care because I just did. I’ve finally discovered how to hide people from your news feed on Facebook and I'm thanking the almighty Lord for this discovery of bountiful proportions.

Finally, no more infestations on my homepage of The Ex and his new girlfriend at a wedding or on a lovely trip. I’ve officially hidden all the people who could do this to me, including his sisters.

Yes, I understand I could just not accept their friendship but these people are/were mutual friends of ours. I’m too nice to reject people.

So alas, our friendship is intact yet I never have to see what you do, what you post, what you say.


*This discovery occurred after yet another, facebook attack today. Different friend, different event, same feeling of sickness in my stomach and anger everywhere else. God, I need to get over this anger.

April 14, 2009

Tuesday shmoozday

I'm so excited for the weekend. Which is bad, because it's only Tuesday. But good because the anticipation for it is keeping me in a good mood despite the horrid "spring" weather outside. It's rainy and all around icky out there but I don't care. The weekend is going to be glorious. Weather and company that is.

My younger cousin is recently single and I'm so happy for her new-found independence. She needed to go out there and get it. I never told her this, mind you, but I'm basking in her happiness and totally excited for her. And whelp, I'm ready to do my part and take her out so we can get into some serious trouble together; old school style. Well, maybe new school. Oh, back in the day I would stuff her bra and do her make up so she could get into the 18 and up clubs. She was 12. Those were the days.

So she's packing a bag and coming to my place Friday and I'm just downright giddy about it. I'm thinking dinner and drinks...lotsa drinks...and dancing. Not to mention some 70 degree weather. Love.

This Sunday I have another 5K race. Reach Out and Run (ROAR) to benefit Hopewell Cancer Support. I'm pretty excited and totally ready.

So Saturday I'll be sure to fully recoup via brunch with my cuz, some DVD watching (I plan to have Vicky Christina Barcelona in my possession), picking up my race pack, hitting up Loehmanns for some new jeans (I have a $25 reward certificate) and relaxing with the pooch.

Oh weekend, just get here please. Now what to wear....?

April 11, 2009

Top night

I had a great night last night. As suspected, on nights I'm incredibly excited to go out, I get considerably drunk significantly early. Sooo, needless to say, by roughly 11pm I was chugging ice waters in an attempt to sober up. I love, love, love going out with the boys but BOY do they go hard with the shots. Shot of choice? The Goose. Grey Goose that is. I've developed an affinity for it. But the Goose lives up to it's rep and gets this girl loose. Fun times.

So it was my turn to need to be taken care of last night. Someone had to sober me up, drive my car, check on me. Once I was home, I was on my own. What did I do with my alone time? I had a friend over, duh.

Nothing shady, no worries. Just a little cuddling and kissing on the couch. Lotsa talking till 4am. And it was an oldie...a guy I used to date roughly, oh, 2+ years ago for about 6-8 months. We remain in constant contact and always have. His doing really. He's a good guy. Always sorta on the back burner trying to get back in for another shot. It was a fun little make-out session to top off the top night.

Now I have sooo much to do today since I've been away so long but I can't get my butt off the couch. It's raining, so basically the weather is screaming "Stay inside and do nothing!"

Ah, well.

April 10, 2009

Home sweet home

Well, almost. I'm headed back home today...just after I feed the horses for the evening. I love spending time with my mother, she's great, really. I made her watch Twilight with me today. She liked it. Pretty sure another has been converted (stop judging).

Oh, I'm just oh so ready to get back. I keep thinking of all I need to do when I get there. Check on the cat (obviously), I know he misses us like crazy. Laundry. Lotsa laundry. Grocery shop, get my nails done, return my library books, get new books, ugh. Because Sunday I'm turning right back around and heading up this way for Easter.

But, rather then do all of those things when I get home, I'm hopping in the shower and getting dressed up to go out tonight. I've spent the last 3 1/2 days in sweats, barn clothes and boots with my hair tied back in pony tail and I'm ready for some lip gloss, heels and couple of drinks. I'm even contemplating gold peep toes and a gold clutch tonight...ooh, with a new deep purple top, skinny jeans and a cropped black jacket. Can you tell I'm itching?

Yeah, I'll get to all those obligatory things on Saturday. That's what the weekends are for, right? Right.

Happy Easter everyone!

April 9, 2009

Mom sitting

For the past 3 days I've been staying at my parent's place out in the middle of nowhere. I'm taking care of my Mom and the farm. The farm which consists of 5 horses (one of which is a baby), a miniature donkey, 2 dogs and a shit ton of geese and chickens. Yeah, I'm trudging it to the barn every morning at 8am and every evening rather then fighting traffic to and from my 9-5.

The reason? My Mom fell off one of those horses this past weekend and broke her shoulder. On Tuesday she had surgery to put a plate and some screws in there. That woman is scaring me these days. This is the 3rd time she's fallen in as many months and this is the first time she's been seriously hurt. She's a pistol that woman, 54 and running around like a 30-year-old, bless her heart. So I'm here on farm duty until the weekend when my Dad can take over. My boss at work is wonderful, not minding I take off for the week at the drop of the dime. I'm in my email, working from home as much as I can.

So I've been feeding the animals, feeding my parents, running on the trails, reading books and surfing the net. I brought my pooch with me, he loves it out here but boy am I missing my routine.

I didn't realize how much of my own world I'd created until I was taken out of it. My family is great, but I miss the life I've created for myself. I'm happy about this. Some people go "home" to their parent's and never want to leave. To me, home is MY home. My place. And I love that.

I love that, and with that love comes the want for a challenge. I'm ready to spread my wings even more and really vacate my comfort zone. This feeling has been bubbling for quite a while, and recently a solution has floated to the surface. I thought the answer was taking the step to buy a home because, well, that felt like the logical next step in my life. Then I realized it wasn't. A home would just keep me here. The challenge I really want and need is relocation.

I was born and raised in this same town. I didn't go away to college I stayed close to home. I've always stayed close. In my comfort zone. So all aspects came together. I hate the cold, I hibernated this winter. I want to move to the West Coast. San Diego specifically. I've been doing research on location and jobs. The more I learn the more I want it. I'm going to make it happen. It's the change I need. I can leave behind all this past that's been sticking with me and start new. There is no better time for me to do this. I have no obligations and nothing to hold me back. Nothing.

With that said I'm itching to get back to my life that is still here. I'm leaving the 'rent's place tomorrow and already have plans to meet some friends for a happy hour party downtown. So excited. My best guy friend is coming too, who...

Side note: did a little late-night confessing to me Saturday night when I went out with the boys. I often go out with the boys and when I do I AM one of the boys. Seriously. No holding back in front of this girl and damn it, I buy rounds too. We dance, we have fun. This time, me and 10 guys. Guys are so refreshing and easy. No drama, it is what it is. They just want to have a good time and that's just what goes down. Beer and shots. Dancing. Then pizza at the end of the night. Hella good time.

My best guy friend and I have been friends since middle school and we've been there through many boyfriends and girlfriends. He's The Ex's cousin for goodness sake. But we've remained great friends. We have a pact that if neither of us are married by 35, we'll marry each other. This has always been sort of a joke to me, but he confessed on Saturday night just how much it's not a joke to him. He basically wanted confirmation that should the time come, I would not say that I only thought of him as a friend and nothing else because he was counting on me. Pretty sure that was his way of discovering if right now, I only thought of him as a friend. Of course when he'd asked me I had just chased down my second shot of Grey Goose with my Miller Lite and pinkie shook that HELL NO, I would NEVER say that! Ah well. Ignoring that convo and moving right along. So far, so good. He has a girlfriend. He'll be fine. End Side note.

OH, and let me mention that Monday night as I'm packing up my car at 10pm to head to my parent's, who FLEW by? The freaking orange car! WTMF (what the mothafuck)?! The adult crush should have successfully moved this past Friday. NO reason to be cruising past my apartment at that hour. I was sort of saying goodbye to a male friend (nope, not getting into that now), so I'm sure he saw. I'm sure he did. What I'm not sure of, is WHY he was there. But what I do know, is that it BETTER not have been to check on me.

Okay, so I realize I've rambled in all directions. My apologies. Sometimes my brain just jumps from topic to topic and sometimes it feels good to roll with it. This is reality, and sometimes I just can't wrap my posts up and tie them with a bow. My bad.

April 8, 2009


I deleted my myspace account the VERY second I saw my ex's new girlfriend (who he denied he was even interested in as he made feeble attempts to get back with me), posted a picture of them two on her page. Her page wasn't private and I know myself. Me, being the emotional masochist that I am, would check back for new, updated, cute pictures of the happy couple and make myself feel like shit. This was back in November. I did not even think twice. Delete account. Delete. Confirm, delete. Myspace makes it so freaking hard to delete your account it's ridiculous. You need a secret code AND handshake before they'll let you out the door. Well this girl followed through.

I kept my facebook account because I had different circles of friends on there and those I was worried would possibly allow me to catch a glimpse of something I wouldn't want to see, weren't on there. Until now. God knows you can't eat a sandwich while logged in without facebook alerting every friend you have.

Now, everyone and their great uncle are joining facebook and I'm not liking it. I'm getting worried. It was just now, today, that on my lovely 3-year stretch of ex-free, unblemished homepage was broken when a new friend of mine, a new joiner of facebook, posted a collection of pictures that included The Ex's latest trip to Vegas with the girlfriend. Now going on 5 months. Of course I looked. More than once. God fucking damnit. I don't want to delete my facebook account, but I'm thinking I may have to. If I want to live a semi-normal life. I thought about just deleting those specific friends, or not accepting their friendship when they requested. But I just couldn't, even though I knew what doors it would force open.

I'd say, how do guys get over things so quickly? Except it's been 3 years this July since we broke up. I'm just a fucking ridiculous retard.

Don't get me wrong, I haven't been pining for him daily for the past 3 years. But God, I'm not taking trips with guys and this is his second girlfriend since me that he's been this serious with. I'm pathetic. This is not news.

In other, totally unrelated news, if you have yet to check out futureme.org, you should do it. It's a very cool site where you can write an email to yourself that will be sent to you in the future. I did this, apparently exactly one year ago today because I got an email from past me today. Past me made present me cry. I highly recommend giving it a shot and then forgetting that you did. Check out mine.

Subject line: Eternally Hopeful.

Dear FutureMe,

Hey girl. So I hope this email finds you well...also, I hope you completely forgot that you wrote it and it catches you by total and utter surprise.

I guess what I'm feeling for you right now is a lot of hope. I know that I, present day you, am the one who needs to make the moves in order for you (future you), to have accomplished all that I hope for you, so I just hope that I freaking do it! Before I get carried away, let me be more specific about what exactly I'm hopeful for.

I am hopeful for you. And just you. Not anyone in your life, but you. I hope you stopped coasting and are doing something that is challenging you. I hope you're happy doing it, but more so, I hope you're learning, advancing in your career. I hope you've scratched some more things off of that list of things to do by the time you're 30 cause girl, you're seriously close now! I hope that whatever is going on with Josh has been figured out, be it good or bad, and you've either moved forward together or moved on. I don't care if you're single or not. You're fabulous either way and it does not matter. I'm sure that if you are single that you're happy that way. If you're not single, I hope you've learned how to keep yourself in tact while being a part of a couple. It's rough for you, I know that. Just don't forget how important you and what you want are. I hope you've gotten over some of the hurt and betrayal that's been sticking with you the past couple years and trusting isn't so difficult for you.

I hope Otis is happy and doing well! He loves you, you are his world, you know? I hope you're happy with you're living situation! I would love it if you'd bought a house but understand if you haven't yet. You've done some great things in regard to housekeeping your finances but you're not ideal just yet. I hope you've been able to keep saving though! I hope the Cruiser is still running well for you :) I hope you've tried some new things and hopefully been able to take a vacation. At least one. I hope you have realized that you are blessed and you are pretty....I can't say beautiful, but you are definitely pretty. I hope you've been able to see yourself that way.

Wow, so I realize that's a lot to expect! I just want the best for you. I hope I haven't let you down. All in all I want happiness for you. I hope your days of hurting are over and you won't have to experience that again. Good luck girly!!!

xoxoxo, love you,
Past Me

April 1, 2009

Morning mayhem

DISCLAIMER: if you are eating right now--stop reading. If you have a weak stomach--stop reading. This is not going to be pretty.

You can count on your day being a rocky one when it starts like this:

You're in your bathroom doing your morning routine--brushing your teeth, putting on make up, the ushz. It's not one of those mornings you have GMA on in the background, not even your Internet radio. It's basically quite in your one bedroom apartment. Until you hear a sound out of the ordinary. You know the sound of the dog drinking, the dog eating, the cat in the litter box, the cat running around like a maniac, etc. All things that normally go down in the morning. This sound is none of the above. Curiosity gets the best of you, and you walk down the hallway, through the living room and before you make the turn into the kitchen you discover the source. The dog. The dog you kiss every morning on the mouth, eating a pile of cat poo your cat was nice enough to leave OUTSIDE of the litter box (his little announcement that the box is a wee bit too full for his liking).

Completely grossed out you yell his name, and "NO!" The dog, not used to being yelled at, startles, spitting out a piece of half eaten poo while continuing to chew and swallow what he managed to keep intact. Gag reflux commence. You reach for some paper towels and pick up the remnants, all the while gagging as the dog continues to lick his chops, snort and snarl (he's a slobbery, wrinkly shar-pei, he can't help it). For the remainder of the morning, you cannot look at him without gagging, let alone, even think of kissing him ever again. Ugh.

Ah yes, that indeed is how my glamorous day began. All I can say about the rest of the day is that it didn't get worse. Can't say it got any better though. The highlight? Chipotle for lunch. A girls' gotta do what a girls' gotta do.