August 17, 2008

Keeping the peace, please

June 22, 2008

I have a protective peace order against John. I can’t believe that it came to that but at the same time I am somehow relieved. I never thought that would be my reaction to it. It feels good to finally have a definitive end. Going to court and facing him was so hard, incredibly mortifying, and difficult. The Ex came with me. He also sat at the commissioner's office until 11pm the night that John flipped out on me. Guess I can count on him to be there when I really need him.

I’ve recently realized that I am an incredibly nice, good-hearted, laid back individual. I have a difficult time hurting people even the people who have hurt me. I’ve realized that guys are relentless. They are ruthless and determined when they want something. I could go on and on describing events that have recently happened but I have no desire to. I am leaving a lot of holes but I just don’t want to go there. It is what it is.

I am finally in a place where I feel confident with who I am, what I am, and where I am going. More important than where I’m going, I love where I am. I have sorted through things that have been a part of my life for far too long. I’ve let go and it feels fabulous. I was “rejected” or set aside by a guy that I had a thing for. I needed that. It was minor (thank goodness), but I needed it. A 22-year-old boy got the best of me and blew me off. I developed a kindergarten crush on him that kept him running through my mind for days. I still think of him. He drives me nuts. He’s unattainable now. It’s a good thing. I needed that experience. I’m dating a 35-year-old guy, a.k.a. opposite side of the spectrum, and that is fabulous too.

Next chapter, please. Thanks.

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