August 26, 2008

Cherry on the sundae

Because I traded sleep for tossing and turning over the status of Jimmy and I Sunday night, I was exhausted all day yesterday at work. So much so that I skipped the gym. (Though skipping the gym might have been slightly more appealing than normal considering I was also side-stepping any confrontation with the ex-hair cutting personal trainer. I hoped he'd call me yesterday since he didn't see me at the gym and I could let him down over the phone rather than in person. No such luck. Looks like tonight's the night. Ugh).

I had decided in my head that I would mention something to Jimmy when the time was right, hopefully that night. Then, he threw a wrench in my plan.

He called me when he got out of work to tell me how things were going, say hi, say he missed me. Then, he told me how some guy he didn't know came up to him at work the night before asking him if he knew me. Jimmy said yes, and then the guy went on to say things like, yea, I heard you two were dating, and other invasive questions, blah, blah, mother effing blah. Jimmy said the guy kept fishing for information so in turn, he just played if off saying we were cool and lived in the same development. (As if we were nothing!)

Immediately I knew who "the guy" was. It was The Ex's cousin James. James had called while I was at The Ex's visiting the day before and had said he was going to the place where Jimmy worked that night. I told Jimmy who the guy was, that it was The Ex's cousin. He knew it was someone attached to me in a way like that, someone I had dated or was trying to date me, something, that's why he played if off. I agreed. As in, well played.

It wasn't until after we hung up that I thought about it some more. Then I was upset. Why wouldn't you just say yes, we're dating? Why act like it's nothing? I felt embarrassed. I've told The Ex how I like this guy and now his cousin is going to report back to him that the guy acted like I was nothing. My mind switched to being consumed with why he had reacted in that way and I couldn't stop thinking about it. If it were for a negative reason he wouldn't have told me about the exchange at all, right? I felt wretched. And that turned into what I was going to ask him when I talked to him next.

So, I skipped the gym and planned on going home, making dinner, and then finishing my most recent book so as to avoid any late charges at the library. I had gone online yesterday to renew two books I hadn't gotten to yet, and attempted to renew the third I was currently reading since I still had a little over 200 pages left and only two days until it was due back. Can you believe that they wouldn't let me renew it because of the number of holds people had put on it? Immediately I felt the pressure to finish, and asap. How could I return a book without finishing it? Not to be heard of. No worries, I finished it yesterday with time to spare. I work so well under pressure.

Just as I finished putting honey mustard marinade on my chicken breasts and popped 'em onto my Foreman grill (love the Foreman), The Ex called. I answered, prepared to hear the dirt on his cousin's side of the confrontation. I swear, that family.

The Ex: What are you doing?
Me: Just making dinner.
The Ex: Well, stop! Come down to Tony's (his other cousin) we just got some steaks and we're gonna cook out, Jess (Tony's wife) will be there too.

No mention of Jimmy and the exchange. Regardless, I wasn't feeling up for it. I was tired and on top of that, newly depressed. It was an all around blah day. Socializing was the furthest thing from my mind. But, in true form, The Ex used his powers of persuasion to change my mind.

When I'm upset my initial reaction is to hole up in my apartment and feel sorry for myself. Jimmy had soccer, he'd be out most of the night, I was just going to sit there and stew. Probably better to get out. Plus, he offered to fill up my gas tank if I'd drive him back to his mom's after dinner and let's be serious, gas is freaking expensive. So I finished cooking my chicken, put it in tupperware to take to lunch the next day, and went.

Jimmy called me while I was en route. I told him I was going to a cook out, (so true), and crossed my fingers in the hopes he wouldn't ask whose so I wouldn't have to lie, and he didn't. So I just came out with it and asked why he had acted like him and I weren't talking when he was asked.

Jimmy: What do you mean? (Classic stalling answer).

I rephrased the question.

Jimmy: It was none of his business. I didn't know him. He just comes up to me and asks me if I know you and I could tell that he was digging for info. He was either a guy that was trying to talk to you, an ex, or knew an ex and I didn't want to tell him anything. It was none of his business.


There was nothing much I could say to that. That was his answer, so I said okay and closed the subject. I didn't feel any better. He was heading to soccer, had three chapters to read that night for the academy the next day. He asked me to call him later. We hung up. My eyes actually teared up a bit. Yea, I know.

Dinner was delicious. Worth the trip. We ate out on the deck, drank a few, and caught up. It was nice, not gonna lie. The Ex and I left around 10pm. On the drive, I told him about the recent events with Jimmy. He says he knows guys like that. In that environment (a bar) his initial reaction is to act unattached. Why wouldn't he have just said yes? He doesn't trust the kid. I take into account the source, but at the same time, I knew he was right.

I had to help The Ex into the house, crutches an' all, so it was a given that I'd come in. We hung out for a bit. I played with his dog. I'm a sucker for dogs. He tried to get me to spend the night. He tried to kiss me. I let him cuddle with me a bit, but nothing more. "Wow, you really like this guy," he said. And I do, but it was more than that. There was no part of me that wanted to stay with him. That wanted to cuddle with him that night. I wanted to go home. Even at 12:30am when I would've gotten more sleep had I just stayed, I wanted to drive the 25 minutes south to my apartment. And I did.

I didn't call Jimmy that night. I texted him while I was at The Ex's cousin's house (shortly after we had talked), Basically saying that I felt as though he made it seem like we were friends because he didn't want anyone to know he was talking to someone. He didn't respond. There are times he says he doesn't get my texts, but I don't think this was the case this time. Shit, it may never be the case. I'm starting to think this kid is all excuses. So obviously, I didn't call him.

He called me this morning at 7am. On his way to the academy. I didn't answer. I didn't call back. I don't plan on it. I'm hoping he's calling because he wants to talk about the text I sent, but I'm pretty sure he just wants to know what time I got in last night. If I got home last night. All he seems to want is to keep tabs on me.

It's definitely time for a talk.

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