Brrrr

It's Saturday night and positively freezing outside. Good luck getting me outta my warm and cozy apartment. Just try to tear me away from ABC Family's 25 Days of Christmas on my new 37" plasma TV (awesome birthday gift from a not-so-awesome person. The Ex. No longer speaking to him, not discussing now).

Okay, it's probably not that cold out for the end of November, but when that first cold weekend hits it takes a girl a bit to adjust. And by adjust, I mean some time curling up inside in her sweats watching corny movies with fluffy blankets. Oh, the holiday spirit.

I'm one of those people who starts listening to Christmas music at an ungodly annoying early date. I started last week. As soon as the weather changes to the coldness that smells of snow, the Christmas play list begins to experience heavy rotation on the iPod. In the car, in the house, at the gym. The holiday spirit surrounds me. Envelopes me. And I've even started my holiday shopping. Okay, I cheated. Thanks to Oprah, I got a free 20-page 8x11 custom photo book from Snapfish. Now let me add that I could've made my own book chock-full of summer fun photos of me and the girlies. But no, I made a family album for my Ma. My Mom who takes digital photos but never, and I mean never, orders them. The woman rarely uploads them to the web. This is a gift that is sure to jerk some tears. Ah.

So I spent today indoors hanging miscellaneous things around my apartment AND selling my old furniture! I've officially taken advantage of craigslist. I'm a fan. A nice fam came and picked up my old armoire today. Now just need to get my sofa and chair out the door to make room for my new living room furniture arriving Tuesday. Yup, this girl is moving up in the world. My little abode is really coming along. And good thing, because I'm going to need a warm oasis to keep me indoors while I attempt to save money to hopefully buy a house next year. Today I hung some shelves, a curtain rod, and my diploma. Finally. I only graduated from college 5 years ago and this is the first time that diploma has touched dry wall. It looks fab hanging by the little desk nook I created in my bedroom. I must say.

That's it. I'm officially old. And you know what? I'm liking it. Now please excuse me while I go make some vanilla chai tea.

Sophia Loren

"A woman's dress should be like a barbed-wire fence: serving its' purpose without obstructing the view."

Tomorrow...

...is my birthday. Way to be born, me!

I have no big plans. No expectations. It's a Tuesday. I'm just going to work. I'm turning 28, whoop dee freakin' doo.

Still, thought I'd throw it out to cyber-land.

Along with being my birthday it is of course a very important holiday, Veteran's Day. Probably more important then my being born.

Chin up

"Chin up. Shoulders back. Walk proud. Strut a little. Don’t lick your wounds: celebrate them. The scars you bear are the signs of a competitor. You’re in a lion fight. Just because you didn’t win doesn’t mean you don’t know how to roar"

— Greys Anatomy

Or not.

Totally wish I could take credit for not giving into Jimmy last night, but although we did not talk and cuddle, it was not due to my strength as an individual. It was solely due to the fact that he never brought it up again. Honestly, I did not mind in the least. He did call, and I did see him, but just because he needed to borrow butter.

I need to get it together.

I'll probably follow my own lead and be an idiot

Because after weeks, heck, over a month of the Jimmy (who I'd rather simply refer to as the adult crush), and I being friends legitimately and myself saying over and over that I like it that way (even if I do admit to still slightly crushing on him, outwardly we've been nothing but friends), he called me today in an attempt to be more than just friends. Not in so many words but I know what he's eluding to.

I did drunk call him Saturday night. And then called back with a lame excuse to come pick up my Dark Night DVD. Like I needed it at 2am. I just wanted to see him because I was tipsy. Nothing happened. I didn't want anything to happen. I just was tipsy and wanted to see him. I always call him when I'm drunk. He's who I want to talk to. He always entertains my silliness and talks to me on my ride home. I think he likes it just as much as I do.

He came by yesterday to borrow an iPod attachment from me. He's so freaking cute.

Today he asked if he could come over after his game and talk, maybe cuddle a little.

I'm such an asshole because I'm thinking about it. Jeez. Sheesh. Ugh!

I keep telling myself that his lease is up in 4 measly months and he's going to move. I know that once he moves I'll never see him again. I'm pretty darn sure of it. So what's the problem in entertaining seeing him here and there for the next 4 months. We've been friends for a while. I'd like to keep the friendship there and not go any further.

We'll see.

Tell me you love me...

Are these five words grouped together some sort of new phenomenon among men? Is saying this to girls all the rage? Or perhaps, is it just the guys that I entertain?

As The Ex said these words to me this weekend before we got off the phone, "Tell me you love me" I realized that was it. It's final. Every guy is saying these words to me. Granted, I was with The Ex for 5+ years and said those words to him more times than I could count with incredible feeling behind it. But he had never said those words to me. "Tell me you love me."

When Jimmy first said it me I was in a compromising position. A position where it would be considered bad form to start rattling off questions and insecurities regarding those words. After a slight stumble, I just went with it. Eff it. He knew it wasn't true. Come on. Throughout our dating time he continued to say that to me while on the phone, together, whatever. I chalked it up to his age and immaturity. Even Ken said that to me at one point. Hinting around the "L" word.

Guy friends of mine say it to me all the time. I flat out tell my guy friends that I love them. I have one guy friend who says I love you every time we hang up. I'm okay with it.

But "Tell me you love me" from guys I've been or are involved with seems to be a pattern. Is this normal? Aren't guys typically supposed to be the ones who avoid that word like the plague? Has anyone else noticed this odd phenomenon or is it really just me?

Regardless, I don't like it. I don't like being told to express a feeling and I'm too nice to say no. After a couple stalling, "What? No! You're an idiot! Why's" I give in and say it. And it always sounds awful coming out of my mouth. I hear myself and cringe. Then they say, I love you too. Or Jimmy's priceless, "No you don't, you liar!" Well, duh. I fought sayin' the three little words tooth and nail before only saying them because you told me to. If you want the truth then wait for me to give it up willingly.