In the name of all things random I'm offering up a complete recap of my not so eventful weekend. I'm at that spot on the roller coaster of life that you may call a down point. Or maybe just a steady, even point is more accurate. No screaming or clutching for dear life going on where I'm currently at. Regardless of what quirky name it is given, I'm feeling like simply lying back, relaxing, and doing a whole lotta nada with my very own self. I get that way from time to time. I'm pretty sure if I paid close enough attention I could get it down to a science, as in, the reassurance of this feeling about every say, 36 days or something. Then I could say thing like, oh, don't think I'm gonna want to go to dinner that night, my "me time" is due to start. Kinda like my period, another thing I've never bothered to pay enough attention to find out if it's regular. It's regular in that I get it every month...how many days in between? You got me.
So Friday, even though a nice guy who I have yet to go out with asked me out for drinks at a place nearby, I declined. No better plans, no reason, just not in the mood. Going home sounded better. And that's just what I did. I went home and hung out with my boys. Dating hiatus: full effect. I chatted with my best friend Melis. I watched some shows On Demand. I swapped the clothes and shoes in my closets. I have two walk in closets (ahh) and one of them is easier to get to than the other (due to the opening and closing of my bedroom door). For this reason I keep the current season's clothing in the more accessible closet and switch them each season. It's also an excuse for me to see what I'm working with each season and discard anything I haven't worn. I chilled and enjoyed the new crisp fall weather.
On Saturday I headed to a family party with The Ex (his family). It was a good time. Great to see everyone, especially his little niece who is not so little these days. Going on 8, she clung to me for a lot of the evening saying things like, "I never want to stop hugging you!" When I left she clutched my waist and pleaded, "Am I going to see you again??" I'm sure you will, Em, is all I could say.
Funny anecdote: For years, I'd say at least 5 if not more, The Exe's sisters and I have participated in this strange thing just between us four, where at each fam event we pass this old beat up green matchbox truck between us by dropping it in each other's purses lined up somewhere in the house. Whoever has it slips it into someone else's purse at some time throughout the night and you never know you have it until you get home. It's an unspoken thing we've just always done. I'm not even sure how it started. Well, when I got home Saturday night, the green matchbox truck was in my purse. Almost brought a tear to my eye. Then I was immediately worried because, when am I going to see them again? I can't lose this thing! And why did they give it to me?! Oy vey. I totally got the message though.
The Ex and I didn't hang out late night. He dropped me off and went out. I acted as if I was going to go out, but I stayed in. He wanted to go out together but I sensed that he really didn't even though he kept asking and saying he did. I felt like I kinda gave him the easy way out and declined. I'm just not sure about him sometimes. Things seem to be getting slightly awkward between us.
The night was fun but left me feeling sad. His family have all changed so much. All in positive ways. Having babies, gotten married, engaged to be married, buying houses. Growing up. making plans. And here I am, going backward. I'm happy for them, I am. I'm envious. Why didn't all of those things happen for him and I? Every single sibling of his has progressed forward. What's wrong with him? His oldest sister who loves to speak her mind gave me a serious rundown on his stripper ex-girlfriend. They all hate her. Good to know. But it just made it all the more real. He brought her and her kids around his family. She replaced me. Here I am now, two years later. Paranoid in bringing a guy home. Practically allergic to interacting with another guy and members of my family. He's had a whole other serious relationship since me. One where he cohabitated and shared his world. Ugh. Another reason I was happy to go home to my apartment and be by myself.
Sunday I headed to James's to watch the football game. The Ex came too. Jimmy called me while I was there. I ran outside to talk to him while The Ex came out and was being obnoxiously loud (sorta like Jimmy does when I'm on the phone). Then he got pissed and locked me outside. Idiot. They went out after the game but I headed up to my parent's place to go to dinner to celebrate my Mom's birthday. All in all, the weekend left me feeling sort of sad and the feeling seems to be sticking with me. I'm just not sure I'm happy with the direction my life is going. I'm trying to not be worried about it and simply concentrate on myself. But it's hard. Ah, well.
P.S. I realize this "weekend recap" is being posted as the next weekend is here, i.e. late. I drafted this post and never got around to finishing it, but wanted to. So here it is. My bad. (Nobody really reads this ish but me anyway!)