October 16, 2008

Counting Benjis

In this crazy economy, and by crazy what I really mean is awful, frustrating and depressing, I am trying to save money. It is not an easy feat. I'm sure I'm probably preaching to the choir.

Being a single girl in this economy is rough. (Even more so now that I've instituted this little dating hiatus). I envy my co workers and friends that can go shopping for the new season's clothes. I miss living in a home with someone and having dual incomes. I realize this is all a part of growing up and boy have I done a lot of growing in the past two years. I've made sacrifices and I keep on making them. I'm counting on them all paying off at one point. It's got to. I've gone back to my natural hair color and color it myself to ward off high priced salon color treatments. I get my hair cut at the Hair Cuttery for christ's sake! No more manis and pedis. My indulgements are Netflix and my gym membership. The occasional lunch trip to Chipotle. No shopping. Seriously, I can't remember the last time I stepped foot into a mall.

I must say I am proud of myself for at least being able to support myself while paying all of my bills, and still surviving. I joke that once my direct deposit hits my bank account I gotta hurry up and get rid of all of my money to pay rent, bills and loans, but thank god I have the money to pay all of those bills. To be able to live by myself without a roommate and support my two furry four-legged friends. Those two count on me doggone it! (Ignore that bad pun). But I'm doing it.

This dating hiatus has been a blessing. After getting over the initial bout of lonliness that I'm sure will resurface from time to time. But this is the first time in my life I've spent a significant amount of time by myself. I'm realizing this is me, this is it. At least for now. And that's okay. I am capable. I need to live like this is how it could always be. It's amazing to me how much I continue to learn and grow. I've realized that I have no idea what I want. I cannot committ to anything when it comes to guys. Not even dinner. Even if I manage to committ to dinner I can't committ to a time, a place. I have issues. And that's okay. I've been dating as if I want something more, but I don't. Then I wind up ditching these guys once they start to talk about exclusivitey. I like the possibility of a guy, but once I have him the possibility is gone and therefore so is my interest. So dating hiatus has been a great idea and it is a plan I'm sticking with for a while. And I'm not going to decide to get off of the hiatus because I meet a guy. I need to be off of it because I'm ready to be and if I meet a guy AFTER that, fab.

So now here I am focused on saving. I'd like to get out of my one-bedroom apartment and buy a house. How awesome would it be if I could do that on my own? I'm gonna try. Who says I can't?

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