Tool bag

So one of my exes from almost 9 years ago STILL randomly emails me. Get over it guy, right?

He’s one of those bad exes. The one that you learned the most from and by learn I mean you learned what you DON’T want. He’s the one you look back at and wonder why the eff you stayed with him for so long and then remember it was because you were young. You move on swearing to never do that again. You move on, but they never do.

So, I’m convinced he tracked down my email by first finding out where I work and then learning that our email addresses are simply our first and last names. You can find this ish out on the world wide web my friends. Easily.

He’s been sending me two-liner emails to my work address for the past 5 years. Once, he even invited me to Cancun, all expense paid. Please note, I lived with my then boyfriend of 4 years at the time. To that he said, “I can help you figure out something to tell what’s-his-name.” Yeah, he’s that guy.

So my last email from him was in February to which I did not respond. More often than not, I don’t. But this time I responded for my own selfish reasons.

See the thing is, he was an ass. And every time he was an ass he bought me something nice in an attempt to make up for it. You know his kind. His mom is/was the Vice President of a pretty big jewelry store around here so he got the hook up. For real. As did I. I have a piece of jewelry, watch, you name it for every time this tool effed up. And now? Whelp, the stuff is just no good to me. I don’t want it. (Well, most of it. I’m keeping the Movado watch, diamond stud earrings and diamond pendant because they never go outta style). But the rest? I’m trying to sell it for some cash.

When I ask around about where I should go to get the most bang for my buck (this stuff is good stuff and I’m not trying to get ripped off by one of those Cash 4 Gold joints), everyone names his mom’s jewelry store. I know that’s the best place to go but I’m not trying to stroll in there with stuff to sell, run into her and have to explain how I’m selling back all the stuff her son bought me. That’s just awkward.

Sooo, I nonchalantly responded to the message he sent me today asking if she still worked there and made up some story about how I had been needing to go in there and wanted to know if I should ask for her and say hello.

SCORE! She doesn’t. He just responded saying she was laid off 2 months ago. Damn. Then of course ended his note, in true fashion, “What do you need to go to a jewelry store for, a wedding ring?

Douche.