Effed up.

July 28, 2008

Jimmy and I were cool for all of five minutes. We didn't talk or text anymore after the last marathon text message session, but he did text me on Friday to let me know that he didn't lose his job. Shew, was so worried let me tell ya. We texted back and forth a bit but all neutral. Then Friday night when he got off of work, early, he called me to see what I was doing. He was surprised that I was home and “didn’t go out like I always do.” I could tell he was pleasantly surprised. Then there I go saying something that triggers his amazing jealousy, something that I inexplicably underestimate time and time again. I told him of how HIS friend who HE introduced me to found me on myspace somehow and requesting me as a friend. I was just mentioning it. (Or do I know this will make him jealous so I purposely tell him just to pay him back for treating me badly, talking to me badly, not wanting me the way I want him to; yeah, maybe). Anyway. I never want the consequences that follow. He flipped out. “How did he find you? You gonna hook up with him now?” "You will, you will. I bet you do.”

Well, that turned into a hang up followed by nasty text saying to never call/text/talk to him again. In fact, don’t even say speak to him should I see him. Fine. So I decided to hang out with Ken the next night. He was having a cook out and he had invited me. I wasn't planning on going but I had nothing else to do and no reason not to see him (anymore). Ken has been asking me, he wants to be with me. Shit, the kid asked me to move in with him! WTF? I hadn’t had sex in a while and I was itching. I know Ken can deliver. Man, he’s good. I’ll get into that shortly.

So while at Ken's house, of course Jimmy resurfaces. First in the form of my work friend who goes to the bar he works security at, and as one of her friends is talking to a bouncer she asks his name and my work friend over hears, "Jimmy.” She of course has heard all of my ravings of the elusive kindergarten crush turned adult crush and knew just who he was. She then talks to him about me, telling him that she knows me. She had to call me to tell me that he is precious and she can see how I got myself into trouble with him. Great. The seed had been planted.

Next, as I casually check my phone on the sly throughout the night in an attempt to avoid any harassment from Ken, I see that Jimmy had called me at midnight, of course. Of course he’ll tell me he never wants to talk to me again but then will call me. Of course during this time I will be with Ken, once again proving to him that I am nothing but a player who cannot be trusted and is not in any way serious about him. In his eyes, this is what he sees. So I just texted him.

Me: “What’s up, you called?”
Jimmy: “Yea, I called because I want to talk to you, not text you, call me back.”

Well, in the event that at that particular moment no one was in the house, coupled with the fact I’d had a few glasses of wine and had moved onto beer, I decided it would be prime time to make a quick phone call. Duh.

“Where are you?”

The first thing I hear from him as if I have no right to be out of the house on a Saturday night, am I crazy? Of course on his way home from work he sees my car isn’t parked outside of my apartment so he needs to know where I am. I tell him I’m at a friend’s cookout (totally true). Whose cookout? A friend! Gosh. Then he goes on to bullshit me in true middle school fashion about how “he heard I was out with a bunch of guys.” Whatever, Jimmy. Why does he care? Why does he care! Seriously. I don’t get why he’s so concerned with me hanging out with guys.

Well it's only a matter of time before Ken comes into the house. What did I think I was doing? He immediately proceeds to give me a hard time about being on the phone talking loudly so whoever I'm talking to can hear, about drama, you and your drama! He's kidding (acting like it). I know what he is doing. Jimmy quiets down surely so he can hear what's going on in the background before he says he’ll talk to me later. And we hang up. I haven’t heard from him since.

Ken definitely created a big fuss about me talking to Jimmy while at his house which I was able to get him to eventually let go. I wish I were crazy about him like I had been about Jimmy. He’s a good-looking guy, he wants to do things for me and with me, and he gives fabulous head. Seriously, not many guys know they’re way around a woman and I am always incredibly impressed when I find a gem that is. I always wonder if he was born a natural or did some girl along the way tell him what to do? That thought is fleeting though because the head is just so god damn good. Last night, he actually went down on other places as well. Yeah, I am so shocked by a guy who is just so into a girl that he doesn’t care to just stick his face, mouth, and tongue everywhere…even places that aren’t pleasant ya know? I'd never reciprocate, that's for sure. I'm not sure I enjoy it, but hey, it's different. I realized shortly after that the guy had ulterior motives. He was just prepping that area up for something larger. I have concerns about up the ass. Am I a hoe if I just let it happen? Do guys think of you differently if you take it up the ass without complaint? I started to let him. I mean, I felt like I owed him an attempt since he’d just spent a significant amount of time face down, down there. I am in fact a team player. It started to go in surprisingly easy, shockingly, disturbingly easy. Yes, my friends, the man is just that good (and its not because he’s small). The man just knows what he’s doing. So unlike when I’m getting head and the questions arise of where the talents originated but it feels so good that I forget them and just enjoy the ride, this wasn’t quite as comfortable so the reason quickly overtook the act and I had to make him stop. I'm just not that girl. I don't like it, don't want it and I'm just not doing it! I can't help it.

“Don’t trust anyone who is offering too much or give into an infatuation that will only lead to trouble.”