Livin'

June 29, 2008

So I’ve learned that adult crushes are the kiss of death. When I first met him I was mistaken. I coined him my kindergarten crush. A sort of, I’m attracted to you; I like what I see, hey, kind of feeling. Boy, was I ever wrong. What I was and have been dealing with, is none other than an adult crush. These are lethal. They make absolutely no sense, which is the root of their evil, completely and utterly inappropriate. No explanation for it to be found therefore no key to its unraveling. It’s a drive you crazy, mind consuming attraction. Combine that with the fact that he decided to act uninterested and well might as well put me to rest.

Of course the one guy who gets the best of me would be 22-year-old freaking boy. Seriously? Really? Get it together, girl. You’ve dated better guys. You’ve passed up better guys! But, ugh, he’s so sexy to me. I’m attracted to him for purely physical reasons. There’s the street bike, so hot, the Jag, the body, oh, the body, the tattoos, the baby blue eyes and boyish smile. The fact that he’s a high school wrestling coach while he works full-time with a work vehicle but still works security on the weekends. Drive, ambition, that’s sexy. The dog, I’m such a sucker for the guy with the dog. It’s hot. He’s a professional fighter. Hello? He could not be sexier in my eyes. I'm a sucker for that guy. Blond-haired blue-eyed boys. Mmm.

So then what’s the most sufficient part? He’s not falling all over me (anymore). He doesn’t take my shit, my never-ending string of safety net guys that are constantly texting and calling me for a piece of my time. He tells me twice he doesn’t like it and when I don’t get rid of them he gets rid of me. No fucking around. That’s so hot. Nothing could make him hotter to me than being unavailable. Of course he did pull the same thing all the other guys do, assuming that I’m their girl right away which flipped me out and made me tell him over and over, flat out, that I’m not his girl. Wanting me to cut off every guys in my address book. Then when he acted like I wasn’t his girl I was stumped. Wait, he’s not taking my shit? He’s not letting me play my game? Oy. I am seriously disturbed and retarded when it comes to relationships with the opposite sex.

Now all of a sudden my kindergarten crush has turned into a full force adult crush and I can’t get him off of my mind. We slept together no more than four times, spent the night together only twice, went out to eat only twice, but I can’t get him out of my head. What’s worse than that? Whelp, what’s worse is the fact that he lives around the corner. I literally see him come and go. Pure torture. Never again will I shit where I eat.

I say I’m not going to answer when he calls and fucks with me, but I can’t not. Maybe it’s because I have the picture of his sexy ass tattoo that I took while he was lying on my bed shirtless with me sitting on top of his ass looking down to his back, set as his picture when he calls. I’m turned on just by seeing that calling me that I can’t NOT answer. He must just be an awesome player. Totally played me. I fall into it. And he’s not even that charming. Really, he’s like seriously ADHD. That’s like a requirement in order for me to have an attraction to a guy. Tattoo? Check. Bad boy persona? Check. A wee bit of jealousy and a couple threats to beat up guys I’ve dated or potential suitors? Check, check. ADHD? CHECK. Welcome to my world buddy, take a seat and hey, stay for a while wouldya?

In other news, I am flattered, but while being flattered I am simultaneously flabbergasted as to why just about every guy I date wants to be my boyfriend after only a few short weeks. Honestly, I’m flattered. I like the fact that guys don’t want to just “hit it and quit it” (for a lack of a better term), when it comes to me. I think I’d feel like shit if I were that girl, that’s for sure. But where’s the middle ground? Why do I always feel like I’m being rushed into an exclusive commitment? Like as if I don’t do it, I’m passing up something I’m going to regret missing out on. Just when I think things are moving along fabulously, I like the guy, and yes I can eventually see it going somewhere, they start the talk about being “his girl” and dating exclusively. Thanks for throwing the wrench bud. Then all the bullshit comes to the surface. Sweet, lets go ahead and muck it up. I'm referring to the 35-year-old guy Ken.

In still other news, I took my very first ride on the back of a street bike this weekend and oh my mother fucking goodness, wow! I loved it. I was terrified. The Jaws of Life could not have peeled my fingers from the death grip I had on poor Brandon’s shirt, but wow. It was liberating. After I got over the initial vulnerability and survived my first 130-mile-an-hour escapade, I was able to sit back and feel so free. I was a 27-year-old woman going 100-miles and hour on the back of a totally dangerous street bike while rocking gold, 5-inch-heels gripping a 6 foot 5 black man! Haha. How’s that for living? I’ll be telling my kids about that one. Glad I did it. Check that off of my things to do before I’m 30 list.