randomness...let it happen...

This morning while driving into work, I was thinking. I do a lot of my thinking while in the car. For some reason I thought to myself, if I found out I was going to die in a week I would not be happy with my current life. Then I got to thinking why? What is it about my life that I am unhappy with? The only person that can change it would be me.

I am still thinking about this (well, plan to revisit it because right now I'm at work), but I did come to the conclusion that I feel as if I'm in a constant state of waiting. Waiting for things to happen. I'm almost in a place where I'll be happy. I'm on hold. For some reason I feel like I can only be happy with time. I can only get the thing I want that will make me happy, with time. And all of this is just temporary. All of this day-to-day passing the time is simply a temporary state.

One day I'll buy a house. One day I'll travel to Italy. All of these things take time. They take money. Money, takes time. Simultaneously the world keeps moving. People get married, have babies, buy houses, get diagnosed with life-threatening diseases. And here I am. On hold. Waiting. Not cool.